Jonathan Nicholson- Breck School 
November 19th, 2025

In an attempt to promote common language and to support employees, there has been a growing practice of using pocket sentences - short, helpful lines that can effectively capture a point. 

With November 1 still fresh in the rearview, I am exhausted. However, there is still work to be done, programs to plan, fires to put out. In short, the work is still there, and we are needed more now than ever before. Below is wisdom from people I admire, reconstituted as pocket sentences. Perhaps you may find them to be useful tools for meditation, reflection, inspiration, or survival. 

The days are long; the years are short. 
This wisdom was wasted on me in my early years of parenting as I was intently focused on survival and, on the good days, maintaining some form of professionalism. I would invest personal time into chores - cleaning the house, washing the car, you name it - feeling that the show of organization could make me feel in control. It never did. And the mess always returned. 

As parents, we’re never really in control.
We know the family because they’re always around - wanting explanations, asking for conversations, seeking this teacher or that class, pushing for the higher grade. This approach to parenting at independent schools can yield results. The child may very well end up in the higher level course, with the better grade, or in class with the teacher who grades easier or pens the better recommendation letter. The results can leave parents feeling that all will be well, and a student less prepared. 

It’s not about having the right answer, but asking the right question.
I heard this for the first time when longtime UMBC President Freeman Hrbrowski spoke at a faculty meeting. As a new faculty member at a prestigious boarding school, I was struck by his wisdom. I didn’t have to have the answers. It’s about approaching the work with more curiosity. In fact, much of what we do is ask our students to reflect. The better we know students, the better questions we can ask. 

Don’t take up all the air in the room — leave space for others to breathe.
It struck me this past year, as I participated in college visits with our eldest, just how much room parents take up in college visits. There was one session when the room of 80 or so seats was filled with prospective students and parents. There were no fewer than 30 students, and yet all but two questions - two! -  were asked by parents. The questions ranged the full gamut - courses, application review, housing, how admissions considers their child’s unique situation, and more - all questions that came from a good place but were somehow misplaced in that moment. The adults, it appeared, had left no room for the students to breathe. 

Your children are not who you think they are. They are not who they think they are. They are who they think you think they are. 
Having gone through the college search and application process as a parent after decades in the admissions realm, I find myself speaking differently to parents and students. In this supercharged time that is focused so intently on hyperselective admission, the child can get lost in the swirling mix of advanced courses, leadership, fit, and passion. Their identity was sacrificed at the altar of accomplishments. 

It’s not about you, it’s about your child.
With the noble intention of supporting their children, parents will talk to other parents as they consider how they can best yield a “good school.” Alternatively, parents could use this process to prepare their child for making big life decisions based on their family values while also affirming who their child is and honoring the person their child is in the process of becoming. It can be long-term planning, legacy-defining work.

You show what’s important to you by how you spend your time.
Time is one sacred resource that students can authentically and proactively give. Most school days are seven or so hours long and require an hour or more of homework. Work in sleep, eating, and, yes, personal time, and there’s a window of time that a student invests. What are they investing in, and what is the yield? 

Your greatest strength also presents your greatest challenge. 
As college counselors, we care. We care for our students. We care for our colleagues, our school, and local communities. We realize the tension of the demands and expectations of these constituencies. There is a constant tension between what is best for our students and what is best for their college prospects. 

Put on your oxygen mask before helping those around you.
As we enter this next phase of the school year and our work, take care of yourself and each other. Practice self-care. In doing so, you're leveraging one of your greatest strengths for yourself.